Category Archives: Food

This Fortune Cookie is Ruining My Life

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Last Friday I got out of work early…like 10:30 am early. It was pretty awesome. And because of that I was able to grab some lunch with one of my most favoritest people in the world, my sister Nannon. So I picked her up and we went to get some Chinese food.

Now by tradition, after you have your fill of Chinese food, you are treated to a tasty fortune cookie. This day was no different. The waitress brought our fortune cookies with our bill. And as I smashed the cookie in the package (the cookie part wasn’t as tasty as it should be), I searched for the tiny slip of paper baked in its (normally) delicious depths.

And here’s what it said:

"Next week will be your week."

🙂 Next week will be your week. 🙂

I read this and took it with a grain of salt. “Next week will be your week.” At first I was like, ‘F*ck yeah!’; then thought nothing of it. Soon after, we paid for our meal and I took my sister back to work, leaving straight away for home to start my weekend.

Today is Wednesday and as this week has progressed, this cryptic message has been haunting me. What exactly is making this week my week tiny Buddha? Is something spectacular supposed to happen? Was I supposed to play these numbers for this week’s mega jackpot drawing? Is something miraculous supposed to fall out of the sky?!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!?!

It’s driving me bananas. The fortune says it’s supposed to be my week but it would have been great if it went into a little more detail. I feel like the answer is there; I just can’t decode it. Like, throw me a friggen bone here…wait, was I supposed to get a bone? What that what was supposed to happen to make it my week? Is this slip of paper insinuating that I’m a female dog…

Cheeky fortune.

Anyway, this tiny slip of paper has been bugging me since Monday. It like, crawled into my brain and planted little fortune babies in my head. It’s mocking me. It’s single sheetingly ruining my life.

Whatever. Stupid fortune cookie. At least my sister’s fortune was a bit more entertaining…

...in bed *giggle*

…in bed *giggle*

I went on Facebook…

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…and my news feed has definitely changed.

Let me explain.

About five or six years ago, I was in college okay. The news feed had just come out and for a while it was plagued with self-proclaimed stalkers, attention seekers — emo’s. Then as time passed, it turned into the place to go to find out where the party was at, who was hooking up with who and bouts of e-drama where both parties would e-dropkick each other in the e-face if either set foot on the other’s profile. Further down the road it matured a bit with job offerings, career starts and pursuits of even higher education. However, now, this is what my Facebook news feed has evolved to…

0524_babiesfacebook-marriage-Destroyer_thumb5684_10151417953831727_1459948297_n

…babies, babies — people popping out babies. Weddings? Apparently a lot of my college friends are at that point in their lives where they are getting married. Food…as if anything I could type right now would make that any more remotely normal.

When did I pass that time in my life where Facebook became less of a social experiment and more of the June edition of Better Homes and Gardens magazine? I am pretty sure this happened overnight because why else would I be in such shock? And why do I now have an overwhelming feeling to get married, have a baby, take a picture of the breakfast-in-bed my husband made for me AND post it all on Facebook. You know that expression that old people use…the one that ends in, “or whatever you kids are doing now a days?” Maybe this is what us kids are doing now a days.

I feel like I’m in the 2001 remake of Josie and the Pussycats (the one with Rachel Leigh Cook and Rosario Dawson and Tara Reid?) *crickets* Oh come on! None of you know what I’m talking about, do you? *sigh* I suppose you should google it…no one understands me!

I can't have been the only one who has seen/greatly enjoyed this film!

I can’t have been the only one who has seen/greatly enjoyed this film!

Anyway, I feel like my friends and Facebook are trying to brain wash me. Like, this is what your life is supposed to be like at this moment. Apparently I’m at that age where you get hitched and start a family…you make or eat really good food? Maybe I missed that train or perhaps was too busy doing everything else wrong. Is anyone reading this feel like maybe we’re on the same boat here?

brace-yourself-for-babies-400x272I’m sure our lives are what we make of them and maybe I was being brain washed into thinking that perhaps I am missing something by not having had my wedding or my first child. But I can assure you, these things haven’t totally been written off in my life. And who knows? Maybe by the time I get around to doing these things, there will still be a select few who are still in the same place I am…the last of the good ones.

Dear Mom

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Dear Mom,

A couple of months ago, I watched as you broke down in tears in fear of the worst when you were called with news that you had abnormal readings from your pap smear. You should know that every night in the week following the call, I cried myself to sleep and prayed that you would be alright. You could probably only imagine the relief I felt when we found out they had been able to remove all the abnormal cells last month.

I’m writing this because last week you had Wednesday, the 28th of September off from work and I was excited to get to spend the day with you. You asked, “why do you like spending so much time with me?” And I thought about it…we really didn’t do much that day. We made some chicken kelaguen and watched some of your DVR’d shows.

The thing is, we’re all getting older. And yes, I’ve seen you in the hospital about 2 times before. But the whole scare of thinking you had cervical cancer scared me and affected me so profoundly that I decided that I’d spend as much time with you WHILE I can.

So I don’t care if that makes me a loser or pathetic or even a good daughter. Just remembering that day when you got that call and remembering taking a snapshot of you in my head with your back to me, hovering over the bowl and seasoning the chicken I’d prepared for kelaguen; I realized that one day you won’t be there to finish the kelaguen. One day you’ll be gone; I don’t want to move on knowing I could’ve spent another hour or day with you and chose not to.

And that’s why I like spending so much time with you mom.

Love,

Nae Nae

I Baked Apple Pie!

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Yes, yes…hold back your applause please. Okay, just kidding–feel free to applaud.

So, yeah, made my very first apple crumble pie completely from scratch 2 days ago. It was pretty awesome.

Mmmm…can’t you just smell the sweet aromas from the pie from your computer screen? Can’t you hear the angel choirs singing as you look at that last photo? I kid, I kid. Actually, the pie is all gone. It took less than 48 hours for it to be eaten up. And my first attempt at making apple pie was a success! Honestly, it was a hit out of the park.

Waiting Room Zombipocalypse

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This past Monday I took my mom to the Dentist’s office because her teeth had been killing her the entire weekend. We went to an emergency dental clinic that is a section of the hospital where she works. We got there at 11:00am, she filled out paper work and we began our wait.

The receptionist let us know that they would be able to see her at 1:30pm and since my mom hadn’t eaten anything all day I wanted her to go to the hospital cafeteria to get something–she is way too stubborn so we waited until 1:30. It was not a fun wait and, to make it worse, guess what they had playing on the tele? THE FOOD CHANNEL! Really? Good choice considering everyone there were starved and couldn’t eat anything because it would cause pain beyond all recognition. Kudos dentist office…

Moving on…we waited until her allotted time and still her name was not called. In fact, the previous patients that went in when we had arrived were still not out of the rooms. So 2:00 rolls by…2:30 as well and my mom’s like, “I need to go out and get a cigarette.”

So she asks the woman how many more people were before her and the receptionist said “5”. 5 people? Really? Aside from the 5 people who were in there already?!?! Anyway, we go outside and my mom gets a cig and I get her some food from the street vendor so she doesn’t pass out, then we go back in. Meanwhile, more people were coming in to get their teeth checked/pulled so the waiting room is getting super packed with stranger-dangers.

Now, I know that waiting rooms are not very fun places…especially dentist waiting rooms because pretty much everyone there has a toothache or worse. And all I was thinking was, “if the zombipocalypse comes while I’m in this waiting room, I’m definitely effed.” We had some winners in the waiting room–perfect stereotypical characters for a zombipocalyspe drama…

We had the pig of a man who looked like a pedophile–openly (not discretely) eye-raping every female who walked in. He would be the one we sacrificed first then take pleasure in killing later when he shows up at the most random of places (the woman’s bathroom).

We had the hungry crotch lady whose wardrobe, I supposed, consisted of mostly overly tight pieces that she would probably argue, “show off my super voluptuous figure–and feed fabric to my butt.” She would probably be good with long-range weapons so we’d keep her around.

We had the disgruntled waiter–the one who had the 4 month year old hungry baby at home, an externship to go to and classes to attend in her busy day. She would be good for close range weapons or blunt weapons because you could tell she definitely had some RAGE!

We even had the homeless-looking drug-addicted young couple who had just gotten engaged. One of them would get bitten, of course, and the other would be like, “I can’t kill him/her! He/She is the love of my life! Wah, wah, crybaby.” Then 1 of 2 things would happen. Either the one lover would wait til the other turned and try to keep him/her alive–move out to the countryside and try to live a normal life. Or the not-bit lover would throw themselves into a zombie horde at the sight of their significant other getting eaten alive in the feeble attempt to try to save him/her.

Anyway, I think that if the zombipocalypse would have been that day, I would have been screwed. I mean, we were in a basement with only the elevator and stairs being exit points–the rest were blocked off by card access. Oh, and my mom was called at 3:15pm.

We left at 4:15pm and headed home.