Last Friday I got out of work early…like 10:30 am early. It was pretty awesome. And because of that I was able to grab some lunch with one of my most favoritest people in the world, my sister Nannon. So I picked her up and we went to get some Chinese food.
Now by tradition, after you have your fill of Chinese food, you are treated to a tasty fortune cookie. This day was no different. The waitress brought our fortune cookies with our bill. And as I smashed the cookie in the package (the cookie part wasn’t as tasty as it should be), I searched for the tiny slip of paper baked in its (normally) delicious depths.
And here’s what it said:
🙂 Next week will be your week. 🙂
I read this and took it with a grain of salt. “Next week will be your week.” At first I was like, ‘F*ck yeah!’; then thought nothing of it. Soon after, we paid for our meal and I took my sister back to work, leaving straight away for home to start my weekend.
Today is Wednesday and as this week has progressed, this cryptic message has been haunting me. What exactly is making this week my week tiny Buddha? Is something spectacular supposed to happen? Was I supposed to play these numbers for this week’s mega jackpot drawing? Is something miraculous supposed to fall out of the sky?!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!?!
It’s driving me bananas. The fortune says it’s supposed to be my week but it would have been great if it went into a little more detail. I feel like the answer is there; I just can’t decode it. Like, throw me a friggen bone here…wait, was I supposed to get a bone? What that what was supposed to happen to make it my week? Is this slip of paper insinuating that I’m a female dog…
Anyway, this tiny slip of paper has been bugging me since Monday. It like, crawled into my brain and planted little fortune babies in my head. It’s mocking me. It’s single sheetingly ruining my life.
Whatever. Stupid fortune cookie. At least my sister’s fortune was a bit more entertaining…
…in bed *giggle*
To my loving boyfriend:
I’d like to dedicate this song to you…
You’re amazing. I don’t know what I’d do without you. They sing:
“What if I fall and hurt myself? Would you know how to fix me? What if I went and lost myself? Would you know where to find me? If I forgot who I am, would you please remind me? Cause without you things go hazy.”
I know that a lot of the great memories I’ve had were with you; I don’t really remember what my life was like before you.
Thanks for being mine.
I love you.
I was randomly clicking through the links on my Blogroll today and realized that many of the Bloggers I used to follow haven’t posted for some time now.
Even I have gone through writer’s block phases in my blogging career (as you can tell by the jumps between months in my archives); it all depends on who I have in my life at the time that I confide in. Now that I have Doug, I find that there isn’t much to write about anymore.
Blogging used to be an outlet for me; a way to talk to the people in my life indirectly — a way to get whatever I had in my head, out.
I am both happy and sad to find that my favorite bloggers’ hearts are no longer into letting us into their heads. I had many laughs and shared many tears with them…and I still remember all the good and bad times that I shared with all of you as well.
And I feel so blessed that you are still reading. I promise to not let you down this year!
This is a piece that I wrote for a writing club that I was part of; the theme this particular week was Gothic Style. I came across it recently as I was browsing my old stuff. Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it!
“I can remember the day as though it were yesterday. The day your shoulder turned so sharply as you said the words, without speaking, that would stay with me ’til death: “I will haunt you forever”, you taunted. And though it’s been years and I’ve moved on from that troubled time (and you), your un-sounding voice still rings in my head.
Something happened this day; it came as surely as the red sun rose. And I should have taken note of the little things that forewarned me to not leave my door unlocked that night. The warnings came in hordes. In the way the creaky door opened as I left my building; it was the sound the floorboards used to make as you walked briskfully around our home. In the way the wind blew in my hair. It moved the curled, parted strands in the same way you would move them when we lay next to each other. In the way that the boy approached me at the coffee line. He only had the same name as you–he was only slightly shorter and had brown eyes instead of blue, actually, he didn’t look anything like you at all. In the way the sun shone at the exact same angle as the day you left my life forever. In the way that my mind made you to peek around corners and stare at me as I walked in the corridors at school; egging me on–making me paranoid with each step I took.
All day I ignored these–either from ignorance or denial–until the sun went down.
And it happened. This night I was visited by a ghost; you may as well have been a ghost. I knew as I saw the door open in the reflection of my black computer screen. And when I saw the ghost of you I asked, “is today the day? Has forever come?” And you nodded. You swept across the floor and clasped your hands around my throat. It felt like home; I was unflinching. Your touch was cold on my skin–so cold that my warm blood had stopped. It left its mark in the same way deep-rooted scars and cuts do. Then you invited me to a dance; eerie music played all around us. It cracked as though being played from my Grandmother’s old vinyl record player. We danced in time to this haunting, cracking tune for what seemed like eternity. Then the music faded to silence and everything was still. And when I laid my head down, I found forever had come–you were there. The words had really stayed with me ’til death. This night I laid unmoving, lifeless, forever gone to the world. This night, I laid with you.”
If you wanted to visit our old website for other works of literature here’s the link: http://misshavishams.wordpress.com/
Arther Rimbaud once wrote,
He would say, “How funny it will all seem, all you’ve gone through, when I’m not here anymore, when you no longer feel my arms around your shoulders, nor my heart beneath you, nor this mouth on your eyes, because I will have to go away someday, far away…” And in that instant I could feel myself with him gone, dizzy with fear, sinking down into the most horrible blackness: into death.
My little brother threatened to commit suicide a few weeks ago. At first, I was too terrified to talk to anyone about it…I was scared I would talk it into happening. I kept it from my co-workers and many of my friends. Only the people who were closest to us knew.
The day I found out was a bad day; I don’t think I’ve ever been so terrified in my entire life. Talking about it now still sends chills up my back. I don’t think I can even contemplate what it would be like if we hadn’t have found out about it until after the fact.
I don’t even want to think about it.
That same weekend he was admitted into the Children’s Hospital on suicide watch. I wasn’t there when he was dropped off but my parents told me he was sobbing, pleading for them not to leave him there…
The next day I had to leave for Ohio for a conference; I couldn’t even talk to him on the phone with a brave face and I knew he could hear the tears welling up in my eyes while I spoke. I felt bad for leaving but I had to do something, anything to get my mind off the pain.
Since then it’s been a little better. Right now he’s getting the help he needs. I can tell that it is a tremendous amount of stress on him; some days are better than others. I don’t even have to say how hard it’s been on my parents. Mostly we are still on the fence about how well he’s taking the whole matter. And it’s hard to say how long it will have to be like this.
I just hate to think about what the world would be like without him.
Suicide is not a joke. If you or anyone you know is contemplating suicide please call the Suicide Prevention Hotline (1-800-273-8255) and stop it before it’s too late.